Lately, there has been a new tv phenomenon hitting the airwaves, knocking Jersey Shore down into the salt marshes. I guess you have to be from Jersey to get that. The new show is based on Toddlers and Tiara’s contestant, Alana Thompson! It’s called “Here Comes Honey Boo Boo.” Honey Boo Boo is either her nickname, or the name she calls other people. That hasn’t been made really clear, but most people have been calling HER Honey Boo Boo.
She got hyped up on Go Go Juice of Red Bull and Mountain Dew before her pageants to give her more energy. Honestly, I’m sure alot of mothers do this, just like they slip their kids benadryl to help wind them down. Her mom got alot of slack about it, but it’s not like they’re giving her speed or cocaine!
My favorite clip of Alana is below.
Here is the vid also, but most likely it will be taken down at some point…
This media will mean that scrolling thru this post will be slow. Sorry.
So Alana is about 7yrs old when the first season was filmed. Her family lives in McIntyre, Georgia, in the country. It’s hot and humid, there are freight train tracks like 5′ away from their house, along with a gas station/truck stop lookin’ thing and a general store on the other side. I say freight train, as if it makes that much of a difference, because there is a COMMUTER TRAIN down the road from my house (about 1/2 mi) and I guess I’m trying to make it seem better! LOL I do hear the sirens 2x an hour all night long, except between 3:30am and 5am. Yes, I know the schedule. But the train siren makes it feel like home. I tune alot of stuff out . Maybe they do too. Although they’re alot closer to the train than me.
Alana talks like a white trash, redneck. Maybe she is. But she’s still funny. Stereotypes are true for a reason. The reason Alana got a show, is because she has a personality on top of all of that. I don’t know how much of the lines she said are fed to her by the producers, but she must’ve had something there for them to spend money to put a show into production. Alana is a “Pageant Qwuayn” and competes in local pageants in GA. She is a little chubby, compared to the other little twigs who are in the pageants, but seems to win alot of titles. Hopefully this girl doesn’t end up with an eating disorder as she enters the teenage pageant world.
Alana all done up, a la Jon Benet Ramsey in the Lil’ Miss Sparkle n’ Shahhhne Pageant.
I think Alana will become a superstar within the next year and will probably not do pageants anymore. She’ll do a spin off show, and probably do an album, do a sex tape in 8 yrs or so, end up on drugs, or do porn. Ya know, the usual path of child stars.
I do think she’s funny, but the real reason I watch is not for Alana!
It’s mama, June! June is fucking hillarious! I watched the show because my friend kept bugging me, talking about Alana, Alana, Alana. But June is the funniest one to me. She is well spoken, even in the area that they live in, but her accent and the way she acts is hillarious. She said “I may not be the most beautimous out the box, but put a little paint on this ol’ barn….shahnes up lahk bran’ neeeew!”. June is 300lbs of fun! she coaches her daughter at her pageants, yells “Work it smoochie!” and does the routines along w/ Alana, and then stares or squints because she can’t see much. That was dubbed her “bingo pokerface”. Maybe now that they have some money, they can get her some contacts or glasses. One does wonder how June gets all the money to do the pageants since she doesn’t work, and has four daughters, and for a while, a pet pig named glitzy who squeals left and right and is dressed in Alana’s frilly stuff to become a “gay pageant pig”. Most likely she gets assistance for the girls, and she is due it if she’s not with the baby daddies. Esp if they’re in jail or she doesn’t know who they are. They can’t pay child support. Assistance probably keeps the girls fed and insured and the house may be one she was put in. Or it could be her SO’s house. Not sure. It was never addressed. June’s daughters each have a different baby daddy. One’s in jail, the other is a pedophile, the other she doesn’t know who the baby daddy even is (Pumpkin’s father), and the last one , who is Alana’s father is another favorite of mine, even though he’s quiet and doesn’t say or do much…..
Sugar Burr!!!!! That’s how it’s said in their accent! I loveeeeee Sugar Bear. But not why you think! I know you see his age, 40. I know my friends make fun of me for liking anyone…. well not ANYONE… but anyone I like is OVER 40 lately. Sugar Burr is not beautimous to me, but he’s just soo funny! He has a few teeth, but not too many. They look short and messed up, kind of like Meth Mouth. That is why he can close his mouth so tight in the picture, since there are no teeth to stop his mouth from closing that tight.
Sugar Burr mumbles like a hillbilly with marbles in his mouth. He works everyday at a Chalk Mine or something like that. Most likely this finances Alana’s pageants, since he is the actual baby daddy. Doubt it? Look at them. Alana looks like a Girl Sugar Bear with TEETH! He doensn’t try to be proper. He likes mud bogging, getting road kill, four wheeling, doesn’t care that he doesn’t speak gramatically correct. At his job, you wouldn’t have to. He’s really short. Shorter than June. June says she’s short too but not sure what the heights are. June won’t marry Sugar Burr. Probably because she’ll lose those food stamps and welfare benefits for her other kids if she does. I hope to see much more Sugar Burr in the future.
The rest of the sisters are, as Alana describes them in the show:
Pumpkin’s the craziest!
Pumpkin (aka Lauryn) is the middle daughter, and she’s also pretty funny. She tells it like it is, farts, chews with her mouth open, talks about piercing her butthole and cringes when her mama said that Sugar Burr was “bed at first sight” saying, “you have to try out the milk before you buy the cow.”. She is usually sitting near June on her interviews to put between the scenes, and adds funny commentary. She walks to the general store gas station thingy next door with bare feet, bobs for pigs feet at the redneck games, and seems like a very happy teenage girl!
Anna’s the pregnantest…
Anna (aka Chickadee) is 17 and pregnant. If she were a year younger, you could’ve put her on that other show. lol. This doesn’t surprise me, as I’m sure teen pregnancy rates are high down there, since there really isn’t much to DO. Doesn’t it usually work like that?! Except in NYC. There are alot of things to do there, so maybe not. She will deliver the baby at age 18, so she’ll be an adult, but she’s not mature enough. June will help with the baby but I think Anna should be doing it all. But that’s my opinion. Anna isn’t on camera much. She is in pain and uncomfortable because of her pregnancy. June keeps saying she’s in the third trimester, and that they’re “fixin’ to have a baby girl, Kaitlyn Elizabeth.”.
Jessica (aka Chubbs) is mah BFF!
Jessica doesn’t get a whole lot of camera time. The only sib who gets any, really is Pumpkin. Jessica is in high school, wants to lose weight but eats cheese balls for dinner and tries to fart 12-15 times a day so she’ll lose weight. She does have a personality, but I think she’s shy for the cameras. Maybe the next season, she’ll come out of her shell. Jessica did the mud pit belly flop at the Redneck Games with Alana. She’s funny and will she’ll crack some jokes when the camera puts her on. She is Alana’s BFF and seems to watch out for her while June is couponing (she has a coupon addiction) or playing bingo. LOL
To conclude, I really love this show! The series is done for now. It was a small order from TLC I guess to test the waters, but they’ve been renewed for a second season and have some specials in the works for Thanksgiving and Christmas. I follow their page on Facebook, the one her mother runs and June writes to all the fans, with no punctuation lol, and gives alot of info on there. I hope they release this on DVD. I did like Jersey Shore, but it got really boring after a while. I’m still not tired of the Kardashians yet. But I’d definitely like to see Honey Boo Boo again. Its the only show where when I watch it, I laugh hysterically. Lately with all that’s going on with the lack of job, and worrying about the future, I really need to laugh. Thank you June, Alana, Sugar Burr, Pumpkin, Anna and Jessica for making me laugh when noone else really could! ❤
I hope they don’t all get big heads like the Jersey Shore kids did. If they move to a mansion in Alpharetta, Georgia or some shit and go shopping at that fancy mall (I forgot the name of it), it just wouldn’t be the same. But then again, you can’t really stop them from taking the money that they earned from having cameras in their face 24/7 , from upgrading to a nice house, in nice neighborhood, buy nice things. Their personalities should stay the same… their lack of manners too. But if I see June, and the girls carrying Louis Vuitton bags, wearing fake eyelashes and driving Mercedeses and BMWs… I’m changing the channel. It won’t be ”real” enough for me anymore.
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